Avengers Assemble!

See, I don't even know if that's the title of this movie in other countries. I think it might just be called 'The Avengers', but I heard that Marvel changed the title for the UK because they were concerned about us Brits getting confused between the legendary Marvel superteam, and these guys:

Yeah, we're still stuck in the 60s over here.

Or possibly these guys:

Voldemort's career as a city banker was never going to work out.

As always, any attempt I make to review a film without spoilers is almost inevitably going to fail, at least in terms of the plot. But c'mon, this is a superhero movie. Someone will try to takeover/destroy the world, and the hero(es) will prevent it. No-one's going to fail, no hero is going to die (until we get to The Dark Knight Rises, at any rate, I can see Nolan pulling the trigger). The entertainment comes from the 'how', not the 'what'. I will, however, try to refrain from spoiling the best little 'moments'.

So, Loki's back. Given that Red Skull is dead, Ivan's dead, Hawkeye and Black Widow are secondaries and Hulk's franchise seems to have died more times than The Doctor, Loki was the only alive-and-kicking bad guy running around in the Marvel universe. After he fell off the Rainbow Bridge he was plucked from the void by... well, buggered if I know.

Whoever they are, a dentist could make a killing on their planet.

Apparently Whedon said they're the 'Chitaurii' or something, which means nothing to me; there was no backstory, no "hey, this is who we are and this is why we're coming to take over the world", it just seemed a case of "Loki needs an army, let's make one up for him, incidentally did we mention that they have giant flying robot icthyosaurs?".

That's not great, really. That's a bit shoddy.

IT'S THE ONLY FUCKING THING ABOUT THIS MOVIE THAT IS.

Yes, the movie is a fair length, but despite that Whedon was going to have to work hard to get in enough about each hero to make their presence worthwhile. He succeeds, and not only does he succeed for them but he gets Stellan Skarsgard back in as well (Natalie Portman doesn't appear, which seems kind of odd since Thor's been pining to get back here to see her, but was probably for the best overall). Loki's after the Tesseract that was dredged up from the ocean with Cap and needs Skarsgard to make it open a portal to bring through the dentally-challenged ones, so mind-controls him and Hawkeye with the Glowing Stick Of Doom (as you do). With pet scientist and assassin in tow and the Tesseract in his power Loki swans off looking not unlike Quentin Wilson from old Top Gear episodes.

Let's face it, you'd have to be mad to buy a used car from either of them.

After that, Nick Fury has to get his response team together, which leads to two of my favourite parts of the movie; Black Widow being phoned by Coulson in the middle of being 'interrogated' by some Russians(?), and then her going to try to recruit Bruce Banner. This is the Mark Ruffalo version of Banner, not the Ed Norton or the... whoever played Banner in Ang Lee's film, I can't recall. Anyhoo, Rufallo really works for me as Banner; he manages to subtly portray a restrained anger bubbling under the surface at all times, to the point where you're almost waiting for him to Hulk Out at any moment - as indeed are all the other characters. Also, him and Whedon managed to make me jump at a moment when I really wasn't expecting to, which is kudos to how the character is presented, and Johansson's response to it is note-perfect.

Let's take a moment to look at Scarlet Johansson, shall we?

That explosion in the background is a few fans combusting from desire.

Scarlett Johansson looks good. She looks very good. I'd dearly like to see a catsuit-off (as it were) between her and Kate Beckinsale as Selene. But, and this is the important part, her character kicks arse too. Johansson is not in this movie as eye candy, not as eye candy alone anyway. This is a Joss Whedon project, and Joss Whedon projects mean that a fit girl kicks arse (well, unless it's Toy Story). She is a damn good actor (the bit where she talks to Loki about Hawkeye was amazing), convincingly pulls off the fighting she's required to do, and really makes you believe that her assassin character belongs on the frontline with the supersoldier and the powered armour and the demi-god and the rest.

But those with a preference for the more masculine form are not let down either. Robert Downey Jnr brings his usual gusto and brilliance to the role of Tony Stark, although the lack of much Pepper Potts means a lack of those brilliant sequences from his own movies where they argue over the top of each other, and Stark and Banner form a natural bond on-screen as brilliant scientists who understand each other when no-one else does, and both have their own suspicions about S.H.I.E.L.D. and its intentions. Then there's Chris Hemsworth being Thor.

Hello ladies. Look at my arms.

Thor's after Loki, of course, which initially leads to trouble. After that Thor's on board with the rest of them, leading to Hemsworth strutting around delivering slightly archaic language in a voice of glorious bombast and quite clearly having the time of his life. Also, did you notice a slight costume change from the Thor movie?

Sorry Chris, you've got too much flesh covered here. We need a bit more phwoar in Thor, mate.

And, of course, there's Captain America.

Can I have a side of bland with that bland?

Maybe it's just because I'm not American, but Cap has never really appealed to me. OK, he was fine in his own movie and Evans does a decent enough job with him here as well, but he's nothing special. I think Whedon felt the same way; Cap has nothing monumental to do in the movie, no truly great moments such as the ones that define the other characters. That said, maybe you need the bland boy soldier to make the individual elements of the other party members stand out more.

Now, let us not forget Hawkeye.

Yes, I may have used this image just to get more Scarlett Johansson in.

Now, if you've seen the trailer you'll be aware that Hawkeye quits being mind-controlled by the end. Good thing too, since this is the man who never misses. Unless he's been mind-controlled and is shooting at important main or semi-main characters that shouldn't die. I do rather like Hawkeye though, and his dry sense of humour is a good ingredient to throw into the final personality mix. It's also rather bizarre that the only two characters in the movie who show any great level of affection towards each other (apart from Stark and Potts) are Black Widow and Hawkeye; because loved-up assassins are the natural thing, you see. Still, Thor's girlfriend's being kept safe in Norway, Cap's is a senior citizen and I've no idea what's happened to Betty Ross, so they're pretty much the only options.

It is, in the end, the personalities that make this movie. Sure, there's action; a fight between Thor and Iron Man over custody of Loki that Captain America gets involved in, Thor vs Hulk when the inevitable happens (Thor seems to get into fights a lot), Black Widow vs Hawkeye and then the final battle at the end, but the main part of the movie is where the would-be Avengers are... talking to each other.

Yes, I know. But it's a Joss Whedon project. It works.

It's Whedon's screenplay that turns this from a fun rough 'n' tumble into a truly amazing superhero movie. It could have been Spider-Man 3 only more so, with too many characters fighting for too little screentime and everyone getting lost in the mix, but it really isn't. You understand Loki's lust for power combined with his resentment (and possible fear) of the Chitaurii, you get Stark's whimsical genius and anti-social tendencies, Banner's genius and ever-present anger, Thor's slight aloofness and vague confusion, Rogers still trying to adapt to a new world and Romanova realising how far out of her depth a simply mortal human spy can be but determined to make a difference anyway. You also get Samuel L Jackson as a more-human-than-previously-seen Nick Fury; more human, yet more devious. He has his own agenda, and he's not beyond pushing a few buttons and throwing a few untruths out to make it happen, but you identify with the man for doing what he honestly believes needs to be done.

In the end, there are two plot points I don't quite get. The first is why the Hulk is prepared to fight alongside people at the end instead of attacking the nearest target as he was earlier. On the other hand, the first time he Hulked Out he was in the middle of feeling a great deal of anger and betrayal at S.H.I.E.L.D and the second time he started off in the direction of the Chitaurii, so maybe that's why. The second is why S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't try to nuke the Chitaurii the moment the portal opened; it would have made more sense to me if they had their own 'race against time' scenario to get a nuke ready to go rather than what we end up with.

Nevertheless, this is an awesome movie with some genuine hilarity in amongst the action and drama (and one unforeseen death; Whedon kills off one of my favourite secondary characters, which is a great shame but possibly necessary). I recommend to everyone, wholeheartedly.

Of course, now he needs to write and direct all Marvel films forever, or everyone will cry.